Saturday, October 10, 2015

The Wounded Healer

There is a thing about that. It's a thing. 

Once I went to a counsellor because I was depressed and I wanted not to be. I thought he was very naive. I don't think he had much experience with suffering. I thought I was smarter than him. But I let him help me. Because he knew the right questions to ask. He had the tools I needed. It did help. He was not a healer. But he helped me to be.

I am a healer. 

What does a healer do? A healer heals. That is something I know alot about. 

The thing is that your deepest wounds are your greatest gift. In healing those wounds, you gain wisdom. In living with those wounds, you learn what it is to live with wounds. You deal with them. You live, you learn, you heal. Then you are experienced and can teach others. MUST! 

There is a mythical story about Chiron, who was abandoned by his mother because she thought him a monster, and who later taught many children to be great and moral and wise, and who learned healing wisdom, and who healed many wounded and sick, and taught the healing wisdom to others, but he was shot with a poison arrow, and couldn't heal his own wound. 

Chiron is an astrological figure, an asteroid out near Pluto, who represents your inner wounded healer. Your deepest wounds, and how they bring your greatest power. When I say yours I mean mine. Astrology works by patterns and symbolism, like literature, and energy. These are things I know about. 

Are you a wounded healer?

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

This Is Where I Write About My Failures

This is where I write about my failures. 

A couple years ago I started a part-time business, doing energy healing and making herbal teas and medicines. It's awesome. I love it.

It would be nice if I could make a profit and do it full time.

The problem is, I have so many problems.

The problem is, I like to say things you're not supposed to say. (Who says? Aren't I making the rules here?)

I've been holding back, focusing on positivity, focusing on personal empowerment and health, though my ability to do so has been dwindling.

Sometimes I want to just rant and complain. And I know that's not how to MANIFEST what you want, so I focus on what I do want and I believe in it, I truly do. And then it doesn't work out. And I am even more in debt than I was last year. And I am even less able to pay the present bills, piling on top of the old bills, piled on top of the older bills.

I need a karma cleanse. I need a fresh start. I would declare bankruptcy, if I didn't have to wait two more years for it to have any impact on my student loans. (Ugh, why did I have to get so smart? What a dumb move.)

And maybe ranting and complaining IS part of how to manifest what you want.

I read a thing once, and it resonated as true in my heart, so that is how I know. It said that the reason manifesting systems, like The Secret and such thingies of positive empowerment don't work for most people. . . it's not because they don't work, it's not because they're not true. It's because they're only part of the truth. To be able to manifest through visualizing and positive thinking and positive action and faith, you need CLEARING. You need to clear away what's blocking you. Your barriers and limitations. And they say, your barriers are SELF-IMPOSED, you CREATE YOUR OWN LIMITATIONS. And they are right. BUT, you do not just create fake stuff. You don't imposed flimsy barriers. They are real, and physical, and beyond physical, and strong, and they've been reinforced over years and decades and generations and millennia maybe, I don't know. What I know is that they are strong. Well, mine are.

What that means is that it takes alot of clearing to break them down. I happen to know alot about clearing, as it is a central principal of Reiki, and I am a Reiki Master. And clearing can be done in alot of ways and maybe ranting and complaining is one. Maybe a good one. For wordy people.

I used to write alot of angry songs. My songs are probably the best thing I have ever created. Besides my son, let's not argue with the laws of nature that dictate motherly power and pride.  They're not all angry. Mothers, no I mean songs, my songs. They are full of hope, and faith, and knowing, and passion. They are full of the power of life. They are full of truth.

That is my strength. The truth. That is my strength on this page, that is my strength in my voice and my songs and my words, that is my strength as a mother, that is my strength as a woman, that is my strength as a friend, that is my strength as a human.

I'm not here just to write about failures.

When Koan was born, I couldn't stand anything that wasn't positive. MY CHILD MUST BE PRESENTED WITH THE BEST POSSIBLE WORLD! He must know life to be good, if he is to build a good life.

So I was surprised that when I finally got around to writing some songs, they were full of anger. They were full of frustration. Well it had to go somewhere, all that stuff I was filtering out of my baby's early conditioning. I certainly wasn't free of it. And I'm certainly not free now. And I'm not alone. I may feel it alot, but I know I'm not.

But maybe I AM here to write about failures.

It. . . is one of my strengths. It is one of my greatest strengths. I know alot of stuff. And I'm here to share it.

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Tuning In: My New Blog

It's OK is a blog about my journey into motherhood, and learning raise my family in a natural, balanced way. . . when balance doesn't seem to come naturally to me. 

I've written about my attempts to develop a daily mindfulness practice, to tap into that universal strength I KNOW is always there. To find the energy to be the mom I want to be, and to be the me I really am. 

Well, I have developed that practice. As I began to practice reiki, I stopped writing so much. It was a personal, private, healing practice. I learned some powerful tools for tuning in to myself, to others, to the earth, and to the universal energy that flows through it all. And I practiced with them. And I became a reiki practitioner, offering energy healing sessions. And I became a reiki master and teacher. And I studied herbalism, incorporating the healing energy of plants & nature into my practice. And I've started a new blog for my wellness business. 

I'll be back here with new posts now and then, of a more personal, family & lifestyle oriented nature. The parenting lessons keep pouring in. 

But I'll be more often over at Tuning In, teaching reiki classes, making herbal products, leading energy-share meditations, offering healing sessions, and writing about living in creative wellness.

This month, I'm writing about vibrational essences (herbal energy medicine in a bottle), and having a giveaway every week! 

Monday, October 29, 2012

Journey To Whole Foods

I am not a stranger to healthy eating. Most people think I am a very healthy eater. Maybe compared to most people, I am. I love salads. I don't pig out on sweets. I don't eat meat every day. My nutritional history goes: Meat & Potatoes to Vegan to Anything I Can Get and Back Again.

Compassionately Energized
I became a vegetarian when I moved out of my parents' house at 18. I spent five years exploring ethical eating, alternative nutrition and herbalism, and became an excellent vegetarian cook. I spent a year as a vegan. Then my life changed alot.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Self-Discovery By Photograph: A Weekly Self-Portrait Challenge

Sometimes I almost forget what I look like. 

I worry that I don't actually look like myself. Like, I don't spend enough time being aware of my physical appearance to be sure that it is representing ME accurately. I suspect it is being sloppy. 

I have trouble finding profile pictures for online things. My facebook profile is a photo my two-year-old took of me, in which his finger cuts out half my face. Charming, yes, but not the way I want to represent myself long-term. I don't have a photographer in my life capturing me in a good light. My husband has an inexplicable knack for taking terrible pictures of me. 

So. I am going to practice taking pictures of myself. 

Could use some work. . . 

Friday, February 3, 2012

Update (Slow Down)

"Sleep? Not without my mom."
The Mindful Parenting Collaboration's next topic is Sleep, and lately my family is not getting much of it. 

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Getting Your Needs Met. . . Is Nobody's Responsibility But Yours (Mindful Parenting Collaboration #5)

This post was written for the Mindful Parenting Collaboration, Topic #5: Taking Care of YOU. Link up your own post on this topic at the end!

An important lesson for everybody, but especially mothers, who have a tendency to give and give and give. . . .

Initiation Into Motherhood
In my early days as a mom very few of my needs were getting met. I was constantly hungry, thirsty, sleep-deprived (those words don't come close to describing it). I couldn't think. Between feeding and changing and holding my baby, I was a mess of confusion, loneliness, anger, resentment, helplessness, hopelessness.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Finding Christmas Spirit

As my son's second Christmas season unfolds, I'm taking more pleasure than ever in holiday traditions. Always more of a non-traditionalist, I once wrote a fairly abrasive song about cutting through the Christmas crap to get to what really matters. And now I'm examining once again, what does really matter, as I'm figuring out how to explain Christmas to Koan, and choosing which traditions have real meaning we can celebrate.